Am I Really about this Life?

 

Being a mom is amazing. You have this beautiful child basically worshipping the ground you walk on. They’re constantly telling you that they love you and smother you with kisses. You always feel like you have a permanent friend and sometimes use them as your venting buddy even though they have no clue what you are talking about.

Ok, let’s get real.

It’s 7:30 am, and your alarm goes off. You frantically run downstairs so you can piss in solitude. You rush to shower so you can be dressed and ready by 8:00 am. You run back upstairs to grab your kid and throw her into the shower. While the kid is showering, your trying to pack lunch, get their clothes ready, and get the kid out the shower. Once all of that is done you realize you forgot about the damn dog. At this point you run downstairs, let the dog out and rush back up so you can head out.

SNIFF SNIFF

I smell that too sis, and that smell is you.

So now you are having an internal meltdown because you currently smell like a sandwich. It’s going on 9:00 shawty, it’s time to go. Instead of hopping back into the shower for a bird bath, you DOUST yourself in summer’s eve and deodorant and tell the world to accept your fresh smelling stinking ass or else. This is my morning about 65% of the time. Remember when I told you I didn’t have my shit together. Well, yeah here’s the proof.

Sometimes after I drop Mo off to daycare, I literally tell myself

I am NOT about this life.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom. I love having to be a permanent role model for someone. However, this shit is difficult. There are days where I have such bad anxiety from feeling overwhelmed I just cry. It’s not the overwhelming feeling of not getting things done, it’s the feeling of my life isn’t my life anymore. Sometimes I forget who I am. To be honest, I don’t even know who I am.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the mom life that you have no idea who you’ve changed into. Remember that vivacious party girl that was always down for whatever? I know sis, I don’t remember her either. Now, our lives consist of snack pack cheez its and juice boxes. One thing that I have learned through this mom journey is that you HAVE to take time out for yourself. If you don’t, you’ll go crazy and completely shut down.

I always like to take a little time away from Mo just to wind down. Whether it’s letting my sister spend time with her for the weekend, or her attending a line dance class with her Zeema. That time is extremely crucial to me. Most of the time I literally lay on the couch and do nothing, but it’s the best couple of hour’s I’ve probably had all week. It also gives me and the hubby a chance to hang out with one another.

If you are ever feeling down, overwhelmed, or just having a meltdown. Please don’t forget you aren’t the only one. There are tons of moms who feel the same way that you do. Don’t feel scared to reach out to your girlfriends and vent. If they are your real friends, they should understand and be there for you. Another thing you can do is talk to your partner. Try to figure out ways to lighten your load, or figure out ways to work together so the bulk of the work doesn’t fall on you. I can say my hubby has been amazing with helping me in the mornings. If I am getting dressed, he’s helping get Mo packed and ready. Sometimes we need to realize that we have help, and we need to take it. You aren’t superwoman sis. (even though in our heads we feel like we need to be) Lighten your load and accept the help.

Take time for yourself and focus on you. Read a book, cook, take a bath, or have a wine night with your girls. Do things that bring you back to who you are. Now I am not telling you to go to the club and drop it down for the 99 and 2000’s every weekend, but do things that give you inner peace.

If you ever need a mom buddy I’m totally here.

-xo Freckles

3 thoughts on “Am I Really about this Life?

    1. Aisha B

      Very beautifully and unapologetically written!!
      I loved, loved, loved this!
      Lol! I have to say, YES! I did think I was the only one.
      Its great to see/read that I’m not alone in this crazy life we like to call “Motherhood”…
      Sometimes we forget that we are human too. We forget that our actions and emotions will impact our kids.
      It’s crazy because we want them to be better than we are but we tend to have trouble identifying ourselves as anything but mothers.
      They see us stressed, sad, or panicked and they grow up to be those things too.
      If we practice self care, they will definitely know there is more to life…
      With all of this rambling I just did…I guess I’m with you ! I have to take care of me, if I want to be able to take care of mine <3

      Reply
  1. Pam

    Ahhhh! I just caught up on all your posts and this was possibly my favorite! I’m currently my mom’s full time caretaker as well as still working from home and working a full time job and it’s been a HOT MESS to say the least. Running around in the morning is basically my new trade. Wishing you more peace. Stay strong mommas!

    Reply

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