I’m sorry. I am sorry I lose my cool when you are just trying to show me something. I don’t know where my lack of patience comes from but I am honestly working on it. I never want you to think that I am uninterested in things you want to show me. Truth of the matter is Mommy is selfish. Growing up I always knew having children wasn’t for me, the reason being is my lack of patience. I want things my way and if I don’t get it, there’s a problem. I don’t know where it came from but I am working on it.
You make me think back to when I was growing up, and all I wanted was Meema’s or Nena’s attention. I always wanted to share something with them, and they always made sure to go over the top at what I had to say. Thinking about this breaks my heart because I never want you to feel like you cannot come to me for anything. I do not want our relationship to become strained because I just didn’t have the patience to listen to you.
When I had you I felt like God was teaching me patience. He was showing me that I was capable of raising an amazing nugget while working on myself. Though I may get ahead of myself and snap, I now know how to stop and self reflect before I go off on the deep end.
I sorry for becoming frustrated at you because I get overwhelmed. It’s not your fault. Nothing that I feel is ever your fault and I am sorry if it comes off that way. I am learning how to deal with things that overwhelm me without projecting those feelings onto others and especially you.
Harmony I love you and I want nothing more than to be your best friend. I want you to feel confident coming to me with any and everything that you want to get off of your chest. I will be your shoulder to cry on, punching bag, best friend, and above it all your mother. That is a title that I hold to the highest regard because you are the highlight of my life, and I cannot wait to make more memories, smiles, laughs, and silly faces with you.
I cannot apologize enough and I hope when you get older you will understand. Everyone has to work on themselves, and I am learning how to work on myself for you.